She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
