So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
