I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
