Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
