i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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