Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
