So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize