I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
