if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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