I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
