I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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