Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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