I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
