nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
no you cant smoke seaweed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
