Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize