Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize