making cat noises will not fix the situation.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
