My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
