matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
