If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
