I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
