The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I enjoy the company of your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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