i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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