I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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