i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
