ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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