Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
