Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
