there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
