do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize