O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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