Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
