Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
