She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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