And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
