why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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