So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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