All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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