every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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