enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
