I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
40s are totally the cure
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
