As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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