escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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