his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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