the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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