your parents love me but you hate me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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