He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
