Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Two words: blizzard sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
