It's Friday. Sex?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
