Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
