just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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