you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
