Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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