I must be too annoying 4 u.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we made out on top of his cat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
