I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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