My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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