Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
