I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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