Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
