i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
