Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
