You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
