I hate your face
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize