No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
