so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
