You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
