how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
