Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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