i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
