I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
