The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
