Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
